Time Flies

Time flies when you are having fun.  Really it flies whenever you are happy, I feel.  I say this as someone who knows how slowly the days can creep by when times are not so great.  I can remember literally willing the days to move by, maybe so I could feel like I was at least surviving the worst days of my life, if nothing else.  Now that the days are far brighter by comparison, though still are filed with moments that highlight our missing boy, they are whizzing by at a speed that is head spinning. 

Last week started out with us frantically packing for our long awaited trip to Mexico, a Christmas gift Sean had surprised me with back in December.  Although we couldn’t wait to take off, I was still so nervous about leaving our girl.  The last time we left her longer than over night was when we left for Philadelphia and when we returned home it was without her brother and our lives were completely upended.  So we soaked up every minute with her making sure she was in as good a place as could be before we left her with my parents.  She and I ran the Firecracker 4 in Saratoga (the little lady ran the kids’ half mile race and she rocked it) before heading to my sister’s house for a BBQ and to watch the firework shows.  It was a great time, and actually made me wonder why we were going away when everything and everyone we could possibly need was right here at home. 

As the day came for us to leave, my stomach was in knots but was quickly put at ease as Kennedy rushed us out the door to begin her reign over Nana and Gramps’ house.

When we left early the next morning, with my cousin, his wife and two other couples they frequently vacation with, I decided right then and there to stop worrying about leaving and reconsidering the decision to go.  If there were ever two people that could have used a vacation-a real honest-to-God, drink-and-eat-yourself-silly, grown-up vacation it was the Doyle’s.  And so vacation we did.  And it was amazing, and relaxing, and everything we needed after a pretty rough go of life. 

And so if you are ever wondering if you should leave your little ones for a few nights and have some fun or if it’s selfish, the answer is yes to both-but I’m ok with that.  Parenting is the most selfless thing a person will ever do-literally putting someone else’s needs before your own every second of the day; it’s peeing with an audience, eating cold food, and passing out during a show that you have never once watched live because, really, who the hell can stay up that late?  And so I’ve learned that, even after you’ve suffered a loss that makes it nearly impossible to breathe without being near your children, every so often you need to hit the pause button on parenting, pass the kiddos off to the ones that love their guts most, and enjoy each other as the people you were when it all began. 

And it makes coming home to your baby all the more sweet.