We made it through our first major holiday without Jack. There were moments where it felt like just barely, but even so we made it through. I read that on Pinterest before leaving my house Thursday morning to head to Long Island for dinner and decided I'd try and let myself off the hook if I could; easier thought than done. So, I have to admit to feeling relieved when my uncle announced that the prayer my family has always said before Thanksgiving dinner for my entire life had been eaten by my aunt's dog. You see, there is a line in it that asks that no chair be empty the following year and so I was literally bracing for impact but the line was never spoken. The version that he had found online left it out and so be quite honest I was alright with that. I didn't need to hear the words to feel them in my soul, that someone was missing and always would be. Thankfully I was sitting next to my cousin that has a sense of humor and a glass of wine as full as my own and I made it through dinner.
I often find myself unable to sit still when I am around a lot of my family at one time. Its almost as if I can feel their concern radiating off of them and I get anxious about being asked how I am doing, not being able to deliver a convincing lie and in turn upsetting anyone. Sean thinks I read into everything too much, who knows. In any case, I busied myself snapping some photos, getting a few good ones.
I swear, they were babies yesterday and now if someone told me they were 15 I would probably believe them
This is the first holiday my aunt was able to spend in her home since Super Storm Sandy ravaged their house, the renovations completed only this past May.
My dad insists on growing a "Santa" beard every holiday season- this little guy got a kick out of it
I consider myself pretty damn lucky to be able to have another great photo of three generations of "Patricia" and 4 generations of women. I love all three of them something fierce.
Doing what the men do best after the big dinner
Aside from the beautiful, genuine smiles, the best thing about this picture is what is happening in the mirror behind them!
We took Kennedy to see Disney's new movie, "The Good Dinosaur," with my mom and dad. Typical of a Disney flick, adults are crying like 5 minutes in, and me more so as the little dinosaur who is born smaller, and a bit clumsier and less coordinated than his siblings is loved by his papa in that unconditional way I was prepared to love my boy. Without giving away too much, someone dies and though to most little kids it may not have been totally cleared the fate of this character, my little bug says, "He got died?! Like Jack Holden?" It felt like all of the air was being sucked out of the theatre and I could feel my mom looking at me trying to gauge my response. I just kissed her head, wiped my tears, reached for Sean's hand and looked straight ahead. This is what life will look and sound like, I suppose, until my little girl can wrap her head around this. The movie was cute and was a nice little break from my Black Friday shopping.
I got my favorite Long Island lunch in (I mean really, why on Earth are there not hot dog trucks everywhere? It's ludicrous), said goodbye to my childhood home one last time, and we made our way home after a long weekend home with some of the people we love best.
I wanted to take a car selfie for fun....this guy
Never before has it been that my Christmas shopping is done before my decorating is so about 3 minutes after we pulled in the driveway I became a whirling dervish of holiday madness. If I could have forced Sean up the ladder to get the lights on the roof I would have, but I guess they can wait another day or two.
I feel like I did right by the mantle this year
A Christmas Around the World oldie but goodie past on to Sean and me
This little bastard is the bane of my holiday existence but he makes the kid smile so I digress
She told me this was a party and everyone was going...
This apparently included the Russian bird, Ariel, and snowman conductor...very exclusive guest list
A little tree of her own
Next up, the tree and a lot of deep breaths to make it through this next one.....hopefully a little of this can find its way inside my home and my heart this holiday season:
No comments:
Post a Comment