Dear Kennedy,
You are four today.
FOUR! That just doesn’t seem possible.
How can it be that it was four years ago that Daddy’s world and mine
became brighter and more colorful than we could ever have imagined
possible? But it’s true- you are
four. I know you can’t read this yet and
maybe when you can you will roll your beautiful blue eyes at me for being so
mushy and embarrassing you on the Internet.
I hope every night when you lay your head on your pillow at
night, after I’ve come in three or five times for you to tell me something or
give you a drink or even so you can give me one last hug or kiss that you feel
how loved you are; that daddy and I are doing a good job of letting you know
how precious you are to us.
I hope when you look back at the pictures from your birthday
party this past Saturday I pray you will be able to see how much everyone that
knows you adores you. When I watched
your little face as everyone was singing to you, seeing you embarrassed for the
first time, I could have melted into a puddle on the floor. To see you running around and playing,
laughing, and squealing with happiness is what fueled me through the weekend.
You are the reason Mommy can get out of bed sometimes. Like on Sunday, Mother's Day, when I felt a
sadness deep in my bones missing your baby brother, and thought about staying
in bed all day, I herd you yell, “Hey Mama?”- you breathed life back into me;
just like that. Your voice speaks to my
heart, telling it that it will all be ok, that I will make it through this day.
We went to the cemetery to Jack’s special spot and I feel guilty for bringing
you to a cemetery sometimes but even there you amaze me; the way you talk to
Jack like he is sitting right beside you. When you wrapped your skinny little arms
around my neck and gave me the card with the picture you drew on the envelope
and said, “it's me, you, Daddy, AND baby Jack,” for a moment it all felt
complete.
I say a “moment”, and it breaks my heart because I don't
ever want you to think you weren't enough.
Because the fact of the matter is, sweet girl, without you I never could
have made it this last year and change. You
saved my life.
You are such a special child. You are wise beyond your four years. I am so lucky to be able to call myself your
mama and, really, lucky doesn't even seem to describe it well enough. Every day of these past four years has felt
like a grand adventure with you and it makes me look forward to what every day
will bring. There is no other way to
explain it expect to say that, to me, you outshine the sun.
You are my everything, baby girl. Happy, happy birthday.
Love your guts,
Mommy
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