Making His Mark

There are certain things, as a parent, you agree to do when you have a child.  Things that is as inherent to being a mom or dad as is waking up in the God-awful hours at night no matter what.  I believe with all of my heart it is a parent’s job to help their children to make their mark on the world, to leave a legacy.  You may not literally help them do so, but maybe you prepare them for it as they are growing up, help them take part in things that make them tick, making sure they know you think they are capable of great things.  And sometimes, you quite literally have to help them leave their mark.  I had always known Jack Holden Doyle would leave his mark on the world.  From the moment we received his Down syndrome diagnosis I felt deep down in my gut that he would do things in the this world to let people know who he was. 

When my baby boy left this world a huge part of the mourning included the knowledge that this beautiful child that we were so ready and thankful for would never have a chance to leave his ripple in the world.  And then the loss felt greater.

You see, we had been preparing and preparing to welcome a special needs child into our lives.  We read books, made phone calls, met with local organizations, made to-do lists for the moment he was born and the months an months moving forward to make sure Jack would get the most out of life from the very beginning.  And then he was gone.  And all of this energy that had been built up preparing for him had nowhere to go.  At times it felt like it would crush me. 

I talked about him, and wrote about him, and shared his pictures and footprints and handprints.  I wanted the world to know him.  I wanted to make sure the world knew he had been here.  Maybe just for a little while, but he was here.

And so last year, before Christmas I told Sean I wanted to start a charity in Jack’s name.  I wanted to try and help make sure his mark was made.  We talked about what we would do and how we would do it and what we would call it.  And after research and paperwork submissions, and resubmission and second resubmissions, Jack’s Herd, Inc. was born.  We decided that we would work to help provide the memories, and keepsakes, but most importantly, the support we received at the hospital in Philadelphia from the nurses and bereavement team, to local families experiencing the loss of a newborn or infant child.  We want to try and make sure that these grieving parents know that when they leave the hospital, should they need support, Jack’s Herd is here for them. 

We’ve met with a nurse from the labor and delivery unit of a local hospital, an amazing woman that pours her heart and soul into making sure that though they will leave with their arms empty, they will have something to hold on to in the long days and nights ahead of them.  We learned of how little they have to work with, due to funding constraints, and were reminded again of how lucky we were to have been at CHOP.  We learned that they’ve lost up to eight newborns in one month and how it was a really awful month for them. We learned how they have to host bake sales to fund materials.  We learned it costs about $30 for a kit to create the gorgeous foot and hand cast molds they give to grieving parents. That doesn’t sound like a lot of money but it sounds like it would take an awful lot of cookies and brownies to pay for one.  It shouldn’t be like that, and now it doesn’t have to be.  And any way we can help them continue to do what they do and give what they provide to families like us, even if it means I’m using my lacking baking skills to lend a hand.

I went home right away and spent hours compiling all of the things we can do for and donate to them.  Figuring out how much money we will need to raise yearly to be able to help them continue giving the beautiful gift they provide to their families. 

And just like that we found somewhere to direct that energy.  A way to show our undying love for Jack still exists and always will, even with the passing of time.  I will make sure our baby boy’s name is known.  I will make sure that the awful loss our family endured and our experience was not just about heartache, but about the love for a boy that just couldn’t stay but will always be with us.  And so now the beggar in me has to come out.  To prevent me from torturing people with burned cookies and flat brownies that taste like nothing, consider joining Jack’s Herd.  Visit our website and join the mailing list so when we hold fundraisers or events, you have to chance to help us help others through my beautiful boy’s name.  Or maybe order a bracelet or necklace from Bravelets, a great organization that donates 10% of each item’s cost back to Jack’s Herd, Inc, for the next gift you have to give.  More than that though, get the word out.  Talk about it.  Talk about him.  Share Jack’s story and help me spread his legacy.  Help me leave my boy’s mark on the world.  He was meant to do big things in this world, help him do that through me.

Simply by reading this, you are part of Jack’s Herd.  And I thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart.