Where does it go?
Seriously, I need to know. Where
does the time go? I swear I was just
obnoxiously talking about having seventeen days off and just like that I’m down
to two; TWO! I can remember rolling my
eyes when people would say, “Time flies,” when I was a kid and now I feel like
going back in time and letting them know the enormity of that understatement. The On This Day feature on Facebook only further emphasizes this. What it shows me from two, three, five, EIGHT years ago some mornings, has me fact checking on my fingers to see if Facebook could be
mistaken; I mean come on, I remember those things like they were
yesterday. Literally. I know I sound like
I’m flipping out. And, truthfully, I
think I am a little. How the hell can we be expected to take in all of the
happenings and goings-on in our lives when they are taking place and are in the
rear view mirror before we even fully wrap our heads and hearts around them?
You’d think with that being said, I would try and take it
slow during the holidays so I could really soak it all up. Come on, if you know me at all you know I
take the exact opposite approach: Cram
as much as I can into the days that a
holiday-overloaded-four-and-a-half-year-old and husband will allow for.
Christmas Eve brought us to my mother-in-law’s house. Our yearly tradition of dinner and presents
with them and my sister and her family is always fun. The kids placated our request for pictures
while outfits were relatively neat and hair was somewhat in place; eyes were
open, smiles only looked half-forced-all-in-all not too shabby. Presents were exchanged and ooh-and-ahhs were
shared and the kids only asked if there were more gifts once or twice. Dinner was delicious and the homemade Crème
brûlée that I got to torch myself put me over the edge. Everyone left happy, full, and ready for
bed.
Kennedy always goes to bed pretty quickly on Christmas
Eve, unwilling to chance that Santa may pass over our house in favor of the
neighbors whose kids probably go to bed at decent hours. Sean and I set the stage as quickly as we
can, creating “proof”, arranging gifts and me yelling at Santa to try and leave
a few crumbs behind on the cookie plate for aesthetics. But man, I tell ya, seven thirty came
quickly. From that moment on, she was an
unstoppable force. She first checked for
the proof (she looks-I don’t go through all of that nonsense for nothin’), made
sure Buddy packed it in and left with the Big Guy, and then checked out the
goods. She wanted Sean and I to have all
of our presents first and then opted to open her stocking first. And then, she noticed Jack’s stocking hadn’t
been moved into the sunroom like everyone else’s and so she ran to check
that. When she came back angry and upset
and said, “Santa left nothing for baby Jack! That’s terrible!” I died inside a little bit thinking, “Shit,
how do I fix this one?” My other half
was quick to notice my pause and say, “Well Santa brings your presents to where
you live, and Jack lives in heaven so he brought all of his stuff there!” She seemed to accept that but only after
adding, “Yeah well, I could have opened them for him you know.” Dually noted, Kennedy. She was thrilled with everything, especially the "robo kitty" that she told me Santa knew she wanted (I assure you he did not) and would not forget to bring her (this thing does absolutely NOTHING in case you were wondering). The only whine I heard was when she saw she had gotten jeans- we HATE jeans. We played every single
thing she got and by the grace of God managed to squeeze a nap in before round
two.
After going to visit Jack’s special spot, I dried my
face and tried to rally for my dinner and presents at my parent’s house, the
first Christmas in their new home. Aside from when my child very rudely, and very clearly, proved you can have too many presents, the night went relatively smoothly, albeit full of people and loud voices. We were
all together for the first time in a long while and were able to get a picture
of my parent’s and all six of their children.
I always try to prepare myself for the request for a picture with all of the grandchildren and steel
myself against the feelings it elicits, but it never gets any easier. And so, from behind my camera lens, I try to
imagine where my little boy would have been placed, where he would have
fit. After that my emotions got the best
of me and I knew it was time for me to pack it in for the night. There is a fine line for me during the
holidays between holding it together and coming apart at the seams and I was
teetering that line in a big way.
The next day I was beat and we lay low, but we were
right back at it the next day with a play date and then a visit from Sean’s dad
and stepmom. Kennedy loves her some
Glamma and Papa time. Dinner, games,
bowling, and hockey practice filled the time quickly and after they headed home,
she was already asking what was next. We
were given a pretty good amount of snow-not so much that we couldn’t get
around, but enough to make for some fun, and so we decided to give sledding a
whirl. My kid is an animal and couldn’t
get enough.
A new aquarium opened up last month right near our
house and so we decided to meet the new “neighbors”. We met my mother, her friend and my niece,
and my nephews and brother-in-law for a day out checking out the new digs. The kids ate it up. The part where they could touch everything
without being yelled at was a huge hit, although I almost dropped dead when I saw Kennedy with her finger in her mouth after having her hands in the koi
pond. Needless to say we did not see eye
to eye on the matter. It was a great
indoor activity and I think we will become great friends with the inhabitants
this winter.
Though we had already made plans for New Year’s Eve,
we have hosted at our house in the past and so decided to do a New Year’s Eve
Eve pot luck last night with some friends.
I had to laugh at one point as I looked around and took in how much life
has changed for us all since we met between five and seven years ago. The night began at five thirty, very little
alcohol was consumed, the house was full of baby bumps, little kids that have
grown too fast, toddlers, and a new baby added to the mix a few weeks ago. It may all look very different than it once
did but it felt right, happy and it made me smile that we have all made
room in our lives for the changes that have taken place in the years past.
New Year’s always fills me with a sense of anxiety. People always talk about what
the New Year will bring and are usually really excited about it. It scares the hell out of me; for a person
that likes to have a handle on everything-new is scary. Having felt like I lost control over
everything once before in the biggest way possible, not knowing what is around
the corner terrifies me. A lot of people
had bones to pick with 2016, and while it wasn’t perfect, there was still a lot
of good. I can remember last year begging
2016 to be gentle with my heart. While
it may have flown by at a pace that made my head spin a bit, it did answer my
plea.
Here’s to hoping 2017 follows suit. Happy New Year, my friends.
Oh, and in a true Christmas miracle, my little brother found
the penny. If you own one of these-you
know how rare a find that is! May your new year be full of rare, precious finds! xo
