To say that this has been a long three
weeks would be an extraordinary understatement. It has been packed to the
brim with some, wonderful moments and also some doozies. So far this fall
has been full of family, back to school routines, and the beginning of
extracurricular activities. It brought me to some old friends that made
my heart feel full and me feel old. There has been equal parts snuggles
and battles between the little lady and me. We have been busy to the
point of pure exhaustion- I can feel it in my bones- but taking a look back at
it, it's all been worth it.
Getting Kennedy back to school has had its
challenges. She loves school, adores her teacher and the routines they
have, and can’t wait to see her friends each day she goes. We are up to
three days a week this year, which is great but this mama has always struggled
with morning-time-management. It doesn’t matter how much I get prepped
the night before, come morning I am always running around, losing my patience
and swearing, mostly in my head but I’m admittedly imperfect and so there is an
occasional “$h*t” thrown out here and there. The complicating factor this
year is getting Kennedy ready as I simultaneously stumble through my own
routine. More than that: The kid is insistent on choosing her
clothes. Which is fine, since she picks out everything she owns in the
stores for the most part, except that after we choose her outfit the night
before, come morning it’s never right. She doesn’t like the color, the
fit, the pattern, you name it. There are usually tears from one of us while the other one is trying to stand their ground. I’ll be honest-she usually wins and
I threaten things, emptily, like giving away the things she wants to wear over
and over, like her Princess Elena tee-shirt. I'm sure the clothes thing
will get easier as she gets older, right?
We’ve started dance too. So, now
we have a dancing hockey player. We are working on being well rounded.
Kennedy doesn't seem to see much of a difference in the two; she transitions
from one to the other seamlessly. She loves them both and so when I’m
exhausted from being out all day by the time hockey practice ends and I’d
rather be sleeping in on Saturday morning than watching dance class- it's all
beyond worth it when she smiles as she twirls or sticks the landing as she
jumps over her hockey stick.
We made a trip down to Long Island for
my mother’s best friend’s son, my childhood buddy’s wedding reception.
Time and distance has kept us from seeing each other for years but when he gave
me a big’ole bear hug the second I saw him, it was like no time had
passed. Spending time with him, my parents, a few of my siblings, and some family and friends did me good.
Photo credit: Brianne Wakefield
Photo credit: Brianne Wakefield
The following weekend was a working one
for me and so even though it was cut a little short, Sunday was a day filled
with fun and family time. We went antiquing, where it made me laugh to
see my little lady tickled by all of the “old stuff,” as she kept shouting
out. After a few good finds we met my sister and her boys at a local Fall
park-type-place with all kids of fun! It was a day filled with fun and
laughing, fighting and tears, but as is always the way in my family, we make it
work. Love can be a sticky thing but it's what holds us all together.
Photo credit: Sara DeSanctis
Photo credit: Sara DeSanctis
Photo credit: Sara DeSanctis
Photo credit: Sara DeSanctis
Monday, September 26th, Sean and I
brought over the first donation to the Labor and Delivery Unit’s Bereavement
committee at Albany Medical Center on behalf of Jack’s Herd. The amount
of love and outpouring of support has been nothing short of amazing. To supply
the materials to give grieving mommies and daddies the same kinds of things
Sean and I cherish so much, all we have of our sweet baby Jack, moved me in a
way I can’t put into words. Part of me sobbed when it was done because in
order for it to be used someone else’s life has to come apart, and yet the
other part of me felt an overwhelming joy that my baby boy is still able to
carve out a place in this world. You are all helping us do this for
him and I love you for it.
The end of one month and the beginning
of a new one brought us back down to the Island for another wedding. It
was for my best friend from high school’s little sister. These are two
girls that are in most of the best memories I have from my teenaged
years. My fondest memories are of sitting around their big wooden farm
table with them and their mom talking and laughing into the early hours of the
morning. I hadn’t seen any of them since Jack had died and my heart has
ached for them all of these months. There isn’t a good reason for letting
so much time go by but I can only explain it as the girl they had known all of
these years has just been buried so deep by heartache and life that I didn't
know if I fit with them anymore. Going to the wedding and seeing the
beautiful little girl that I loved like my little sister as a gorgeous bride
and my best friend standing with her, so proud of her too and their mama
calling out my name like I was sixteen back in her kitchen proved my doubts
wrong. If anything, seeing them, hugging them, and more than anything
laughing with them showed me that that girl is still in here, and every once in
a while, more often than I’ve been, I need to dust her off and let her out
for a visit.
So now I sit, snuggled in my bed on a
chilly fall afternoon, still slightly hung-over and reminded that I'm not
nearly as young as I used to be, I am tired. But, and this is where it
all counts, I am happy. I haven't felt genuinely happy in a
while. So if it takes a bit of exhaustion to be happy every so often,
I’ll pay that price.
I may just have to throw a three-hour nap in
here or there along the way.
